Practicing the art of publishing and relentless Optimism against the INEVITABLE flow of time and my own self consciousness by not taking it too seriously.

New York.

The Fear of Failure

I have trouble with failure. I mean I can lament on stereotypes all day but there’s at least some truth to Asian parents generally valuing educational accomplishment over anything else. It’s a function of culture; many Asians find education to be the primary tool for advancing one’s place in society. Then, with extremely strong family hierarchical structures, children are often pressured into reaching and maintaining a very high level of achievement in school. In America as in China, the selectivity at institutions of higher learning adds additional drive to focus on academic success.

This cultural/societal combination has lead, in general, extremely accomplished Asian families. They lead in education levels, income, unwanted pregnancy rates, life span, crime rates. Truthfully, lots of macro benefits. I have gotten some great habits, skills, and cultural experiences.

But I had a side effect from this focus on accomplishment, I HATE failure. I’m so adverse, I often find myself not trying at all.

See when I was young, failure was distinctly distained. Falling short of the expectation was not coddled, but derided, and demanded explanations or redoubled effort next time.

But I had a thought, if I never tried I couldn’t truly fail.

As you can tell, I was a genius.

I took less risks, didn’t focus or try hard in school, never applying myself in any direction. What was average teenage apathy was reinforced by a feeling of victory from defying my controlling parents.

Told you I was a genius!

Anything I did like working on was squirrelled away in darkness [writing and reading], or had distinctly separate reward structures [swimming].

My aversion to trying new things, apply myself, or put myself out there; for fear of failing, was in and of itself, a failure.

I’m trying to remedy that. I’m trying to be more comfortable with stepping out of my comfort zone and trying to practice doing new things, even if it causes a lot of embarrassing mistakes. And not letting myself be discouraged by criticism, failures, or missteps. In fact, I would like to cultivate those experiences. Where once I thought that failure was not the path to success, I now understand that failure is actually the right direction, and inaction is the enemy of growth.

It’s never comfortable, but I’ve found myself learning.

I believe in the growth of myself. And that gives me motivation to keep trying.

Failure isn’t not an option, it’s the path to success.

More clichés.

I hope you fail a lot, on a wide variety of things. I hope you give it a fair shot the second or third time as well. I hope you’re kind to yourself when it doesn’t work out, and you have the courage to try again

Yoga

2017 in Review and Looking Forward to 2018