So, the culmination of volunteering ended with three hours participating with an Music for Autism concert. Held in Brooklyn Public Library at Kings Highway, in their basement event center.

I arrived via uber, because I am just bad at making it out the door for anything on time. I gave half my morning bagel to homeless guy, cuz I didn’t want any more.

I haven’t had too many interactions with Autism. It makes me sad, and a little hesitant to approach, so I haven’t necessarily engaged that area before. As a result, because fuck the echo chamber, I decided this would be exactly the final volunteering thing. My apprehension at first was tangible. But I overcame it, I actually really enjoyed myself. I made friends!

It must be hard to be the parent of an Autistic child. I imagine it gets easier if you practice/work on it. I imagine there is an age problem, one of the couples were quite old.

The performers were a couple, an Spanish guitar player and a cellist. They were very good performers and kept strong heads even with a wildly rowdy audience.

They performed for a little bit. Then we practiced conducting collectively. Then we had participation with percussion instruments. Rhythms were all over the place. But good times for everyone.

We also set a rule to clap with our hands on your thighs or bodies.

I force myself to circle around, interact with parents and kids, try to be engaged. I felt awkward most of the time, but I tried to keep a good beat of empathy and kindness.

It’s like I know what to do but I know that I’m faking/inauthentic about it.

The kids were all over the place, some were loud and some were quiet. I made friends with a kid, Sam, who was so kind to like me. Also, there was a younger kid, Jayden part of a Chinese family of four. We chatted a little bit around the performance, and towards the end, when I “clapped” by slapping my hand against my torso, Jayden caught my eye and mimicked me. It was soooo cute. He wasn’t really about participating, but he stood next to me for the group picture and was very polite.

God the cellist was pretty.

Um, autism is a weird thing. They’re humans, people fully trapped in their mind, but I’m not comfortable in front of them. Some how I am afraid that they will see me for the fraud I am. Somethings terrified that I will let someone down. That I’m doing something wrong. I don’t know where this fear came from, but I think it’s very old in my life.

Anyway, the event made me think a lot of things. I had grown a lot this year, became a better person by using habit, self-correction, and challenging my comfort zone. I could feel the finality and culmination a little bit during the performance and the writing lunch by myself in the new neighborhood also made a good conclusion.

I’m super proud of myself for finishing this commitment. It’s been a short year, and I’ve learned and experienced so much by volunteering. I’ve seen different populations, different neighborhoods, different things. I’ve broken my echo chamber so hard, each time pushing myself to do something different or weird.

I want to work more with kids, that’s the population I had the most resonance with. I liked the farm, I’d like to keep working with them.

Overall, A+ experiences.